The most horrible person on all of the Other Railway - and that says a lot! Formerly the owner of Britain's largest razorblade company, no-one quite knows how Mrs Cruelly became such a vindictive old bag. Some say she was born cruel, some say she fell into a vat of chemicals and some say she was created by an alien scientist to become the Ultimate Weapon. One thing, however, is certain: she looks repulsive in beachwear.

Scarface is a cabless, low-slung thug with the manners of a grizzly bear and half the patience. He spends his days pulling tacky tourist trains up and down the Scarface Railway, which he thinks belittles his manly image. The only reason the railway is even named after him is because the Wee B*****d considered him the most marketable engine in the fleet. Considering his workmates are psychotics, geriatrics and living fire hazards, you can understand why. Scarface hates work and will avoid it.

Formerly known as Stoat. Definately not a lady, despite what the solid gold nameplates say. Dame Edna worked on the Scarface Railway back when it was still owned by the local nuclear plant and doesn't look a day over 153. He is grumpy, crabby, surly and other mean words. He loves complaining, revenge schemes and proving others wrong. Once tried to hook up with Georgina the Excavator for a bet, only to be drowned in cheese and robbed blind. Speaking of 'blind', his glasses are hideous. Bleurgh.

Bowler is an uppity passenger engine with chronic hypochondria, made even worse after a visit to Sodor where he accidentally ingested an Inspector's grubby bowler hat. Equal parts posh toff and paranoid twat, Bowler's idea of fun is having his buffers polished to the point of blinding all within a five yard radius. Phobias include children, animals, rain, mud, germs, dust, fumes, flowers, chocolate,  milk, bluebottles, hair, stamps...

aka D4711. aka D261. aka "that picky tosser"

An aloof gas-turbine engine built on a drunken whim. Cromwell was kidnapped from his workshop to make up the cast of new characters for Season 13, but was saved by Arry and Bert to become part of the Other Railway express fleet. His tender, Mr Bottomsly, has a mind of his own and less control of his bowels than Mrs Cruelly.

A pair of exceptionally rude and aggressive diesel shunters. Arry and Bert were refugees fleeing the sacharine purgatory of Sodor when - after a series of hijinks involving the sewage train, the local brewary and the Brakefather - they were accepted into the Other Railway clan. Arry is the more violent of the two, whereas Bert is the more stupid. Can usually be found beating up trucks, engines and buffer stops for fun.

The cuddliest, loveliest, most stomach-curningly cheerful engine ever to tread rails. Steamie was being interned on the Other Railway when he was exposed to the harshness of life via a prank by his designated mentor, Diesel. Unfortunately, this turned him into a scheming, giggling lunatic. Steamie is considered to be armed and extremely adorable, and is not to be approached by anybody. His latest court order forbids it.



 A delightful young bendy bus as sweet and kind as he is utterly annoying. Longs for a world where Road and Rail can live together in perfect harmony. His motives, however, are not as squeaky-clean as his paint and teeth suggest...



The railway's chief express engine and local Upper-Class Twit of the Year for twenty years running. Old Stuck-Up is the ultimate personification of vanity, narcassicm and pretentiousness. He drinks only the finest oil and refuses to be rubbed down with anything other than £50 notes. For all his extravegance, however, he has not been granted membership to the DINING CLUB, for reasons best left unsaid. Loves himself, baiting paupers, himself, money and himself.

From Tales from the other railway

Renegade was bought up by the Scarface fleet after being fired from the local safari park's tourist line for beating up the animals. Renegade saved the railway from closure on its disasterous first day by holding the mayor hostage aboard the inaugural train, raising the line's public profile tenfold. He then spent the next several months in a shed up north at Her Majesty's Pleasure for running over the Wee B*****d's quad bike in celebration. Is fat.

A rare steam-diesel hybrid. BoZo is either a unique experiment in locomotive design or a horrible abomination of enginekind. Old, grouchy and more full of holes than a WAG's head. Second only to Derek in the breakdown department.

Actually his real name is Montgomery. Everyone calls him 'Dick' because, well, he is one. A militant, megalomaniacal shunter with with a deep passion for ordering others about and shouting. A lot.

The current controller of the Other Railway. He is an ill-tempered man, always looking for a quick fix, a good bargain and a strong drink. Acquired his knighthood during the Cash-for-Honours scandal using five years' worth of profits (£33.08 and twelve boxes of Strongbow). Loves his coffee, his cigarettes and the wee beasties that live in his mustashe. Hates his engines, his clients and often himself.

AKA "THE THIN GIT"

A paranoid old military helicoptor who lives at the local airfield. Discharged from the armed forces many years ago after mistaking the QE2 for a German U-boat. Has more moustashe than common sense.

Diesel is a diesel (No kidding!), one of the very first to be built on the Other Railway - which explains that horrible clanking he's made since 1965. While he claims to be 'revolutionary' and know everything, he is in fact lazy and arrogant, only willing to work if there's something for him in return. Hates joy, hope and steamies. Loves a certain Diesel Railcar who appears in all his copies of Playtrain magazine.

He's the Really Useless Engine we abhore!

A boorish bus with a strong petrol addiction and an incomprehendable accent. Bernard hates the diesels with a passion and often tries to humiliate them or get the railway shut down, to very little effect. Hasn't been washed since the first day he rolled out of the depot. Once drank seven whole petrol stations dry in one short New Year's Eve and demolished a further three trying to get home.

The Brakefather was once one of the oldest diesels on the Other Railway until that fateful day he arrived at the oil refinary and his Driver chose that exact moment to take up smoking again. One explosion and hasty rebuild later, he began life anew as a rickety brake van, a conduit between the engines and the trucks. In his mind, he is the undisputed Don of the Yard. In everyone else's mind, he's a senile old dingbat.

The white sheep of the Other Railway clan. Derek is kind, polite and an overall gullible prat, which you'd assume would make him one of the more sympathetic engines among the locals. Too bad he has the worst cooling system ever devised by human minds. Derek has broken down more times than any engine on ride British rails. Ironically often found pulling the Breakdown Train. Has a big nose. Seriously, look at it. It's like a beach ball with nostrils.

The railway's head goods engine and all-round hard nut. After humiliation at the buffers of a Sodor steamie many years ago, Spamcan decided to toughen up and he hasn't stopped since. He refuses to wash or even shave; partly because he revels in filth, partly to disgust Bowler, but mostly so he won't be confused with that posh twat, Old Stuck-Up. Loves a good scrap, not to mention a good scrapping.

The Other Railway's High-Speed Trains and Token Girls. Pip and Emma were hired to work on the Other Railway to avoid a sexism lawsuit and remain the only engines to actually run on time once in a while. An easy way to tell them apart - Pip is the sarcastic, sensible one, Emma is the cutesy-poo, ditzy one. Don't judge them by their gender, however - they can more than hold their own in a barney with the other diesels. Also known as Candy and Sugar (by the ignorant Thin Git, anyway).

Once the rudest (and most expensive) truck on the railway, Scrappy got his comeuppance after being squashed by a long line of trucks and Spamcan's bum. He was salvaged by the cheapskate Farmer Giles and crudely rebuilt into something resembling a tractor. Still as rude as ever, he now lives at Compost Farm, often getting roped into the diesels' schemes against his will. Thinks Diesel is fat. He is, y'know.