Zoey

Marie

Ignacio

Galen

Ollie

Tala

Quinn

Bodie

Teacher

British

Vampire Bodyguard

Francis

Woman

Bodyguard

The Narrator

African lady

Soft Bubbly

Southern

Robot

Hailey

French

Hood

Indian Girl Accent

A French Girl

Male Russian Accent

Irish

Despite common belief I am not bent on World Domination. I need the world to function normally so I can do my evil experiments in peace.

I love unethical human experimentation, cruel and unusual methods of science, and all sorts of ghastly and insane things!

I made a Frankenstein but inside out once! His name was Nietsneknarf. He only survive for three seconds, but I did do it!

Evil, mad scientist.

Now jack, I uhhh... I don't really think I have much to describe myself with. Everything you really need to know you can find online.

I don't have much tolerance for malarkey, and those that go against American Interests.

46th President of The United States Of America 

I am the Phreagee Fugger, and I'm so scary and evil love to maim and harm people, and I hate happiness and tranquility and peace.

I especially hate little blue babies made out of bubbles, I want to eat their souls, and destroy them for all of eternity.

If any little blue bubble babies show up with their bubble parents, why I'd be so so so mad.

But other than that I love to scare and to harm people until they are no longer happy.

I love to scare and harm and main

I have agreed to be subject to Rufus Widdleshins "Demon God Formula" a compound that greatly improves the users strength and power by several thousand times - in exchange for their sanity. But I don't feel insane, Jack.

I will use this power to crush all who oppose me, starting with that "humanitarian" company Skeletech.

A new America starts today.

Joe Biden with demonic strength and power.

CEO of Skeletech. Ageless Undead Skeleton

I'm Such A Happy Funny Little Baby Bubbles Boy! Oh I Just Love You So Much! Will You Be My Friend! Will You Love Me Forever!? Teehee~

Can You Keep Me Safe? Teehee~

Heifers is a pretty calming restaurant all things considered. All of our competitors have these outlandish gimmicks. A steakhouse being ran by cow people is pretty plain in comparison.

But simplicity must be king because we rank pretty highly! I suppose it's because you don't need to worry about anything bizarre happening during your visit.

I wish things could go back to normal, y'know? Before all this restaurant wars nonsense.

Oh well, I suppose I'll just focus on my bartending.

Bartender at Heifers Texan Steakhouse 

If you're here, I may as well tell you a slight summary.

I live away from human society, subsisting off of animal blood. I do this to protect others, most "vampires" would not care to limit themselves in this way.

I'm a victim of a surprisingly common dramatic irony, the vampire hunter turned vampire. There was a time where I attempted to utilize my "dark powers" to continue down that path. But the sheer mental toll of not feeding on humans on someone of lesser blood like myself grew too great

Cave Dwelling Vampire

Oh about me~ you really want to know... about me? I'm Yuko Freike! I work at YanYan Froyo doing whatever the owner Rols asks of me. I really don't want for much more in life except the happiness of our dedicated customers!

Though I will say some people tend towards... Being disloyal. You can eat at other restaurants of course! But... YanYan Froyo should always be your favorite if you've eaten here once!

Rufus Widdleshins will pay in blood.

Head of Kobold Defense at YanYan Froyo

I like Fortnite and Rick and Morty and South Park and family guy and I play call of duty and halo and Fortnite.

my friends at school call me Tan becuz im a cool guy and the coolest and cooler than you.

Dont be a stoopidhead and ill like you

my favorite food is koboburger burger. Kob-olds funnies.

I'm so totally cool and awesome and epic

Oh there's not much I can say, I'm about as dull of a personality as they come. 'Sides it gets all depressin' if you let me drone on.

If I *had* to list off something: I own Heifers Texan Steakhouse, third best restaurant in North Dakota, as both a refuge for its staff, and a way to support us all. It wasn't very long ago that it was socially unacceptable to be like us. It's hardly more acceptable now.

I'm a widower, and both of my children are long deceased. 

Owner of Heifers Texan Steakhouse

I don't really have time to waste on doing things I don't like. I deal with a lot of garbage daily that I have to deal with, so when it comes to me time I don't bother if it's stupid.

With that out of the way, I do have a passion for pizza. This isn't just a business to me, it's a way for me to do what I want to do. Which is make pizzas. I'm so good at it that I won't lie, our other locations are in fact worse than the original. I can train people all I want, they just never get to be as good.

Pragmatic and straight to the point.

My name Art, it my birthday on today! You come and have fun at party! No need for bring presents unless you really want to get me one, I rather you have fun than feel pressure.

I love birthdays, I come to your next birthday too!

I also like Winnie Pooh which why my party is Winnie the Pooh theme, what do you want your party theme to be!

It's me birthday boy

You wanta kno' more 'bout little old me? Ah well, I'm Beeg Bublort as ya already know, I'm a demon created by the Dark God of Cuisine, Mivasis. My jobs to be a repository for all 'er knowledge on cookin'. And I loike to tink I do a damn good job addit. 

Otha 'an that? I like long walks on the beach, and watchin' Magical Girl animes. 

Moon Goddess Executive Chef

I'm a pretty simple girl! I don't think I can say that I have anything that will "wow" you beyond my horns. I work here at Heifers because it's a pretty accepting establishment for "mutated" humans considering its whole cow theming. It wasn't very long ago that it was socially unacceptable for us to even be out in public!

Other than that, the most I can do for you is take your order! 

Just a steakhouse waitress!

Whose Nathan Steve Kelley? I should be asking who you are! I'm the world's best business consultant. I mean look at me, I'm literally plated in solid gold! You don't get that far by being bad at your job, I'll tell you that much for free.

I want to "help" the successful become more successful! All the wealth in the world can be yours my friend! All of it, as long as you listen to me that is. And if you don't, well I'll just go and elevate one of your competitors.

Rich And Successful Businessman

I'm a rapper from the 313 that's fallen on some hard times, that's an area code from Detroit by the way. Even harder than my rivalry with ICP. I'm currently stuck driving around a Fred Flintstone Car when I'm not: being coaxed with a pointed stick, talking on my cellular telephone, or getting into any other wacky misadventures.

Rapper. Cool. Famous. Thuggish. White Boy.

I can't just describe myself in a few sentences. There's too much to cover! But I'm probably the smartest Kobold you'll ever meet. We have a genetic predisposition to uh, stupidity. Combined with our hardiness it makes us good workers but not much more. We were ostensibly just worst dwarves before I popped out and brought us out of the dirt.

Sure the vast majority of koboldkind are legally my property, and are called an 'oppressed people's but believe me when I say it's not so bad.

I'm a ruthless businessman at the top of the world

A former enemy of Skeletech's, I was admittedly little more than a mindless obstacle on the path their 'champion' was taking to face Hisato Shiokaze in battle.

My life was spared, and my mind restored. 

I owe them everything.

As for what else you should know? My role within their hierarchy is simple, I am raw power. I am capable of taking extreme amounts of damage to protect vital targets, or breaking through sieges.

I seek no glory in battle, it is a means to an end. Nothing more.

My job when deployed is simple: destroy to protect

Gyeuhoghrehhee. Roeghe. Ggrrrh.

*Long sniff*

Roaegrhe. *Sniff sniff*

*More bear noises*

I also have a master's in Fine Arts.

Grrouuuuyheehheghe

An actual bear.

I'm the Orange Prince and I'd say I'm probably the *real* leader of the Rainbow Princes. Gei No Niji Ōji-sama is a figurehead. The rest are all college students and interns but I actually *gave* my old pizza restaurant to Burger Empress Uke to be by her side. 

Of course my sister Yuree wasn't happy about that, but it's my life and I can do as I want.

Besides being a real-life version of Orange Prince from the tie in manga. I also faithfully serve as head of Burger Empress Uke's Seme Guard.

The Orange Prince of the Burger Kingdom.

Much like my coworkers I am a creation of the Dark God of Cuisine, Mivasis. I am both the leader of her cult, and the only hostess at her restaurant. It sounds bad, but our clientele is so exclusive that I may only do the work once monthly, if that. 

You may ask yourself why my appearance is more appealing than my more blatantly demonic coworkers, and that is precisely the point. For me to be appealing.

So as to help gather more devoted worshipers and facilitate a better stay here.

Hostess At The Moon Goddess

I'm not quite as *out* there as the other girls working here. Like I still have my problems sure, but I'm not about to take them out on anybody. They're seriously obsessed with customer loyalty and doing exactly what you ask.

But some advice between the two of us? Don't take the bait, the more you ask the more they expect you to stay loyal. Stay a number here, not a face, you feel me?

Besides that, I'm just working here to get through college to be a vet, nothing special.

Worker at YanYan Froyo

Hiya! I'm Elizabeth, I very recently got out of my dead end job as a cashier at McShojo's and I have to say, this is a big improvement.

Sure I might be a secretary for a paramilitary mercenary organization and I could be killed, but the pay is cartoonishly good and I can be infinitely cloned if I die - so it's not too bad.

There's no anti-trans rules here so I'm free to be myself more than I was before.

The clownfish secretary of a cannibal mermaid.

I can say very little of who I was.

I am a Fae of the Mountain Court, and I was a Lutenist. Besides that, I am now little more than a contractually obligated minion to Rufus Widdleshins, leader of the Kobolds - a society of cannibalistic gnome-like creatures.

And Faes are held to a contract until it is broken or we are dead.

Hound of Rufus Widdleshins 

*sneef snorf sniff sniff*

Yip yip yip yip yip 

Grrrr bark yip yap

Purr Purr Whimper

*Other fox sounds*

Literally just a fox.

People describe me as being maybe a bit too energetic or even insane~ but that's a little mean to call someone, don'tcha think? It's not my fault Yanderes got kicked out of silly old Dere Taco for being too aggressive with uncooperative customers.

I just gave us all a home that lets us keep doing what we do best, serving customers! 

Maybe I should have chosen something a bit less niche than frozen yogurt, maybe even ice cream. The name was just too cute to pass up!

Owner of YanYan Froyo

You're asking me if I have a reason? I don't need a reason, jack. I'm stronger than you, and I'll take and do what I want.

And right now, all life on Earth is looking like a load of malarkey to me.

I don't care about the meanings behind this... All I... All I uh... All I want is violence.

All enemies of mine are going to die, whether it be by my fist or their own cowardice.

Nothing can stop my Biden Blast.

Victim of His Own Overwhelming Power

Mesers noneg palbst tensts fror gnowmholw greaborwrinte solst dag BiggsManns widdleshinsy nepfewms torld meme ant deg gryolagor.

BiggsMamms Rufgus Whittleshinies mageed Koboburger togens crunsh MacShoghos and isens hatgenr grems.

I'l'm mage grench gries krabber pattery.

As is relevant to you, I am the owner of the number one restaurant in North Dakota, the Moon Goddess. But this is merely my private little haven, not any actual expression of my power.

I welcome a rather limited number of guests here, as my cooks can produce any recipe from across and beyond humanity's knowledge. Consider being welcomed to behold such an exclusive sight a privilege.

As a Goddess I can be as cruel as I am kind. So try to stay on my good side.

The Dark God of Cuisine

If you insist, then I can share what precious little I can.

McShojos is the seventh best fastfood restaurant in North Dakota, and we fight tooth and nail to keep that spot in the "fast food chain"

My job is lead out efforts in infiltrating and stealing our competitors recipes, as well as sabotaging their restaurants. 

It's a cutthroat business running fast food in North Dakota.

That's classified.

I am just your ordinormal Kobold who take cashier orders, I just possess higher commune and nashun skills. I can't talk for myself more than one sentence, so how can Kobold help you today? Want slop bucket? Kobowich? How about all natural Kobo Nuggets featuring no Kobold Meat?

Me is Koboburger Employee, I score an 87 on my hum

I used to be the best Pizza Chef in North Dakota. I co-owned Yuree and Yowee's with my brother, Yowee.

He betrayed me to a rival business, BurgerUke's, giving their CEO - Burger Empress Uke his half of our business.

I was forced to dissolve our whole restaurant chain by her, we were tiny in comparison.

Now I just, practice kickboxing and stock shelves at the local grocery store. *She laughs bitterly* I may have some vain hopes for vengeance too.

Exhausted. I'm fighting for revenge and survival.

Man, just a couple sentences is hardly enough to cover it.

I cover the second half of Yuree and Yowee's menu, Yuree is so focused on pizza that she forgets people like things other than pizza. It's not even just other foods, she'll forget like - drinks and stuff.

I'd say I do more than half, but she really does a killer job with those pizzas, whereas I just kind goof off. You'd think we're Italians but we're not.

Other than that I enjoy sports, and other guy things. But sewings not so bad! 

Hopefully, cool enough.

You know, growing up I was always described as a bit of a beefhead. People thought I was stupid because I didn't understand things like basic math and shapes. But now? I'm the CEO of the seventh largest fast food chain in North Dakota.

I'm not just rich, I have three cars - one of them wasn't even used.

McShojos will never be beaten at being the seventh best fast food chain in North Dakota. Never.