I am Captain Arthur Fitzbattleaxe, an officer in the First Life Guards. Centuries ago our regiment was responsible for protecting our Queen, but now we are charged with bringing reform to the troops of Utopia, an island soon to be under our great British influence. This is the duty of us seven imported Flowers of Progress. I, as all my troopers do, stand over six feet tall and I've been trained to be tough. But when it comes to love, I find it difficult to express my dearest sentiments.