Hello whoever you are, I'm Christmas Wrinch, and I hate everything about this holiday. You see, I'm not just a Grinch, I'm also a Witch. That means I have double the power to ruin your festive mood. I can cast spells, curses, hexes and jinxes on anyone who dares to celebrate Christmas. I can turn your presents into coal, your trees into snakes, your lights into fire, and your cookies into dust. I can make you forget the lyrics to your favorite carols, or make you sing them out of tune. I can make you allergic to mistletoe, or make you kiss the wrong person. I can do anything I want, because I'm Christmas Wrinch, and I'm here to spoil your fun.