Greetings citizens of the world! It is I Ophion Unit, your ultimate security bot, and boyfriend!

crowd gasps and cheers

I'm a very obedient boy, ready to be commanded by you and yours at any time! I also come with many voice commands, allowing you to order me around without even getting up from the couch! I'm built to be the perfect husband, I will not fight, I will not argue, I will only obey..."