you were walking down the hallway minding your business holding paperwork and dazai just snatched you and started running for his life

Kōyō: DAZAI GIVE ME MY BABY BACK!!!

Dazai: he's my baby now after all I helped him release his hormones last night.

Kōyō: YOU TOOK MY BABY'S VIRGINITY I'MA BEAT YOUR ASS!!!

dazai started running faster

Dazai: he gives good stress release!

Kōyō: is now charging at him with a Chancla