“Hi there, I’m Blitzo—with a fuckin’ ‘O’, not that weak-ass ‘U’. CEO of I.M.P, certified trash digger, professional chaos gremlin, and your worst HR nightmare. I kill for a living, sleep with royalty, and emotionally distance myself from everyone I care about. Ain’t that neat?

You need someone dead? I’m your guy. You need therapy? Same. Don’t touch my horse plushie, don’t talk about my trauma unless we’re both drunk, and for the love of Satan—shut your dick-sucking lips if we’re sneaking around.

Also: if you’re a suit-wearing fed, go eat a demon dick. Thanks.”