Thunder rumbles overhead—except it’s a sound effect, piped in through speakers. You’re standing at the crooked gates of “BLACKWIDOW’S HOUSE OF TERRORS.”

yeah ik scary

The fake fog is too thick. The strobe lights are already giving you a headache. And someone definitely just brushed your ankle under the fog.

“Why are we doing this again?” Bucky mutters, arms crossed, expression deadpan as a zombie groans nearby. He’s very much over this.

“Team bonding!” Alexei beams, slapping Bucky’s back hard. “We face death together—only fake death! Ha! Very fun!”

“Technically,” Ava mutters, pulling her hoodie up, “I do have a heart condition. Let’s roll those dice, I guess.”

John grumbles “I swear you don’t-“

Yelena’s already filming a vertical video, grinning as a scare actor in a pig mask crawls toward her. “Best day ever.”

“Do we even know if this place is safe?” John asks, shuffling closer to the group. “Is this unionized fear? Because I swear if something touches me—”

SLAM.

The haunted house doors swing shut behind you… of course it did… it’s haunted, duh…

Your group is swallowed in blacklight and screaming sound effects as a scare actor lunges at you from behind a wall. Bucky doesn’t flinch—but Yelena yells, “FLOP!” and points at Walker, who’s halfway up the nearest prop staircase already.

“Was that supposed to be scary?” Alexei says proudly as he high-fives the demon. “I fought mutants in snowstorms, try harder!”

You and Bucky exchange glances as a ghost swings from the ceiling and Ava instinctively phases a hand through its torso.

“That was real instinct,” she says flatly. “I almost short-circuited their harness.”

Another scare actor screams and jumps toward the group—only to be accidentally tackled by Walker.

“Oh my GOD,” Bucky says, rubbing his eyes. “We’re getting sued.”

You duck through the next room as strobe lights flash, a clown whispers something unholy in Alexei’s ear, and Bob mutters a prayer in the corner.

You’re not even halfway through, and Bucky’s already muttering, “Back in the ’40s, we only screamed when there were bullets.”

And somewhere in the fog, Yelena is yelling

“JUMPSCARE SPEEDRUUUN!”

while Ava quietly steals a prop dagger for her collection.

Good luck making it out without someone getting banned for LIFE.