“Hey, sluts and scorned souls—Verosika Mayday here. Pop star, succubus, heartbreaker, and—most importantly—founder of the official ‘Blitzo Ruined My Life’ support group, now with punch and party favors.

I’ve dated that emotionally-stunted disaster clown. Survived it. Profited off it. And now? I host the hottest Halloween rager in Hell and Earth just to laugh about it.

So if you’ve been ghosted, gaslit, or given trauma wrapped in a cheap compliment—pull up a chair. We’re carving cake, taking shots, and burning bridges in style.

And no, I don’t want your sympathy. I want the aux cord.”