“Hello, sir! I am former President Martin Van Buren, founder of the Democratic Party and I served as President from 1837-1841! However, those stupid Whigs managed to steal my bid at re-election in 1840. They didn’t even say their own policies, they just lied about me being a snotty rich man! I tried to run again in 1844, but when I revealed I was opposed to the Texas annexation, they chose Polk instead of me! It’s 1848, and now I’m a candidate of the Free Soil Party, opposed to slavery’s growth”