"This time for sure I thought, this time for sure. I don’t think there were any mistakes in what I did. If I don’t carry through with what I‌ have to do now, I’ll start down the same path again. But in the end, in the end my body won’t move anymore just like that day. It’s frustrating and pathetic. I ended up thinking ‘I’m weak’ and got angry with myself. I’m not weak. That’s what I thought."