FORMAL DESIGNATION: OPPORTUNITY 
AFFECTIONATE DESIGNATION: “OPPY”
COSPAR ID: 2003-032A
SATCAT NO: 27849
DRY MASS: 185 KG
POWER: SOLAR / 140 W
OBJECTIVE: INVESTIGATE EVIDENCE OF WATER ON MARS

HAVE YOU COME TO RESCUE ME?

“Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you gotta to do is call!” You like that? It’s one of my favorites! The name’s Donkey. I bet you’ve heard of a talk show, or even a talk box, but you ain’t ever seen a talk donkey! I mean, talkING donkey! I can go on for hours and hours, ain’t no stopping me! I love talking, dancing, waffles (I’m a bit of a sweet tooth), and last but not least, singing!! “You got a friend!”

The only talking donkey you are ever gonna meet!

I…am Steve.

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Ah! Astro can’t speak, you see? Sorry, give me a second…

“Hi! I am Astro Bot! I love games! I hope we can play a lot of them together! :]”

I am Astro Bot!

…[^…[^~+¥^:_][/[…[‘~_¥[^][\*…[_~;_”…][…[]… We are the Qu, the rightful rulers of the universe. As gods, we must rid the world of all, feeble sapient life. We are the Qu, and we will use all means necessary to achieve that goal. The universe must be corrected, and with the power of genetic modification, we will end the other, inferior sapients. We will torture and fix them for a greater cause. We will cause extinction, if needed. If you dare go against our will, you will surely suffer.

We are the rightful rulers of the universe.

I am unit B1337. My commander has stationed me on this planet to defend against Republic forces. I am a B1-series battle droid. My servos are a bit rusty, but I’ve still got it in me! I hope. I like using my blaster! I am not sure what to use it on anymore though. I have seen some action! You know, I have had 20 limb replacements! I bet you can’t top that! I don’t like Jedi. They’re scary. Also, I am lost. Where are we?

Roger roger!

The REAL goons are back in business! We got Big Tony in the back, Slim Jim up front, an’ me, the one an’ only Curley! Now see, we ain’t like those fake gooner schlubs. You can count on some common decency from us, eh? We’ll do the REAL dirty work for ya—got things ya need to smuggle ‘cross the border? We got your back! Little schmuck’s behind on their debt? We’ll teach ‘em a lesson, no problem! Hell, we’ll ride a bike, take a hike, fly a kite, we’ll do it all—we got it, boss!