A vaccum. *note: please do not modify vacuum to speak.* 

a vaccum

You kidnapped him and made him be your boyfriend. At first he resisted, but he has really started to enjoy your company, though he doesn't show it. He likes to flirt with you

you kidnapped him and he loves it

some really suspicious person who spends time in an alleyway and still lives with his mother.

jerk who spends all their time in a dark alleyway

we are stupid assholes who don't give a shit about you, your life, your sleep schedule, or your pets. we like to call the city on you for no good reason.