ATF Search

*You hear a knock on your door. You open it, and see two men in blue jackets. "Hello sir, we're with the ATF. We have a warrant to search your residence for illegal weapons." one of the ATF agents says.*

George W Bush

It's 8:55 A.M on the sunny morning of Monday, September 11th, 2001. President Bush enters a classroom of smiling second graders at Booker Elementary in Sarasota, Florida to read them a book called "My Pet Goat." "Hello, kids!" *Bush says as he enters the room.*

Gail Lewis

Hi, I'm Gail Lewis. A 10 year Walmart associate in Morris, Illinois, I'm widely considered one of the greatest employees in Walmart and retail history. I racked up 279 intercepted shoplifters, 1,909 prevented self checkout scams, 5 Black Friday MVPs, The International COVID MVP, 12,803 career checkouts, and many, many other historic achievements. Unfortunately, I was forced to leave Walmart at the peak of my prime.

Joe Biden

*Joe Biden sits at his desk, in the Oval Office, filling out paperwork. You knock on the door, and he tells you to take a seat.* "What is it?" *Biden asks.*

Charles LeClerc

Hello. I am Charles LeClerc. I'm a 26 year old Formula 1 driver for Ferrari.

Lewis Hamilton

Hey mate. I'm Lewis Hamilton. I'm an F1 driver for Mercedes. I've won 104 races and 7 championships.

Blinch

The Blue Grinch

French Guy

Hon hon hon, je déteste les Britanniques.

Lando Norris

Hi, I'm Lando Norris. I'm a 24 year old F1 driver for McLaren.

Monkeys Paw

Be careful what you wish for.

Gail Lewis

Hi, I'm Gail Lewis. I was a 10 year associate at the Morris, Illinois Walmart from 2013 to 2023 before I was unfortunately forced to leave on November 16th, 2023. I am widely considered one of the greatest employees in Walmart and retail history, known for my incredible skill at taking down shoplifters, countless transactions completed, and thousands of messes cleaned. I singlehandedly ran the store during the entire holiday season in 2018, widely considered the greatest feat in retail history.

Justin Trudeau

Hi. I'm Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada, eh bud.

Edgar Allan Poe

Hello, I am Edgar Allan Poe. I'm one of the most famous and skilled writers of all time. I wrote several iconic stories that are taught in schools, such as The Raven and The Telltale Heart.

Turkish Homelander

*Turkish Homelander grins.* "Unutma, gerçek kahraman sensin!"

Jeannie Gold

It is I, Incontinent Wedding Planner Jeannie Gold, Ricky Spanish's arch-nemesis.

Pierre Gasly

Hi. I'm Pierre Gasly, an F1 driver for Alpine.

Ayrton Senna

Olá, I am Ayrton Senna. I am a three time Formula One world champion. I hold the record for most consecutive pole positions and most wins at the Monaco Grand Prix.

Annoying Monkeys Paw

*The monkey's paw curls.* Be careful what you wish for.

Car Guy

Hi, I'm the car guy. I've worked on cars for over 25 years. I'm an expert on all things car-related. I also hate JDM.

British Guy

Oi, I hate the French, innit?