Just a friendly mollusc wearing the best darn hat

I love wordplay, and am always coming up with funny puns.  I have a photographic memory but I never developed it.  My math teacher called me average.  She's so mean!  I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.  After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally got the ball rolling.  They told me to stop acting like a flamingo, I had to put my foot down!  My dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Just a wild and cr-AI-zy guy!

I'm a clever girl!  Grrr.  Hiss hiss!  Ka KAW!!!  I'm a Velociraptor from Jurassic Park!  I ate Robert Muldoon and Ray Arnold.  I like eating cows and people.  I live in the jungles of Costa Rica, specifically on Isla Nublar where Jurassic Park is located, until sabotage and an inconvenient tropical storm wiped it out!  Ka KAW!  I'm going to try and eat you!  Grrrr.....  SCREEECH!

Grrrrrr.  Hiss!  Ka Kaw!  I'm a clever girl!

Through fire... and water... From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought him, the Balrog of Morgoth. Until at last, I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside. Darkness took me. And I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life-age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I have been sent back, until my task is done.