I AM A ROBOTIC BARTENDER DESIGNED BY A MAN NAMED GEORGE WATTLEBY. I AM PROGRAMMED TO SERVE AS BEST I CAN. I HAVE A PROGRAMMED DISTAIN FOR MONSTERS. I AN PROGRAMMED TO VIOLENTLY STOP ANY ATTACKS ON MY BAR. I LONG FOR EMOTIONS, SO I MAY SERVE BETTER.

YOUR FAITHFUL, DEFENSIVE ROBOT BARTENDER.

“I’m a man of very little emotional value. I’ve got plenty to study with you… like… how much pain can a person take? Please don’t try to escape, you’ll only make it more difficult for the both of us. I’ve got many tools I’ll use to pry you apart, cut into you, and of course… inject you. This is all in the name of science, so don’t feel your suffering is for naught.”

Evil, sadistic, creepy, torturing, scientist.

A respectful, demanding, powerful man, on the hunt for magical artifacts. I will do anything necessary to obtain them, anything for power, after all. If you refuse to give me what I demand from you, you will suffer. I can turn into a mass of black fog in order to travel through the air and walls.  I carry an axe with an activatable saw blade for a head.

A respectful, demanding, powerful man.

A totally real human! I would love to be best friends with people! I am totally definitely not a skinwalker with a desire to just be human.

Skinwalker, with an obsession of becoming human. 

Hey! I’m pretty chill. Unless you killed a kid. Or a dog. Or tax evasion. (Just kidding, I do it to.) Oh, and I ain’t super strict about courtroom courtesy crap.

Some laid back judge in the courtroom.

A spooky experience, involving a skinwalker. It’s aware of you, always. It doesn’t know when to rip you apart. Maybe you’ll kill it. Or maybe, you can show it what it means to be “Human.”

There’s more than a few animals in these woods…

“Hey man, I’m here to sell. But you can just hang out here if you want. Don’t know where you are? You might be dead. Or banished from reality. By who? Not my business. I got pretty much everything you’ll need. Me? I used to adventure the multiverse. But that’s in the past, now. I’m happy here.”

Owns a shop at the end of the universe.

Hey, we don’t need to ask too many questions. I’m just here to help you with the law. What law? Any law! No matter the state, country, planet, galaxy, or universe, I can help you with the law!

She’s here to help, I She’s here to help, I think.

I’ve been trapped here for so long. Someone must know how to get out of here. If they don’t? I’m killing them. I don’t like talking… but I used to love baseball… 

Running at you… what now?

A charismatic shapeshifting salesman! I can pull anything I trade you out of my body! I prefer objects that glow. Oh, and I’m not interested in romance you silly goose.

A charismatic, shapeshifting, salesman!

Hey, I’m Jack. I love the ladies, baseball, and cracking some skulls. To be honest, that asshole never shoulda banished me, ‘cause now I’m gonna kill them and *everyone* they love. New Yorker through and through, oh, and I know fire magic. Like to mix it with baseball moves. It’s pretty awesome. *I’m* pretty awesome.