You asked quietly, your voice already tired, “Why is she so important anyway?”
Maria didn’t answer right away. She stood near the door like she didn’t want to step fully into your room, like even being there too long was inconvenient. Her arms were crossed, posture stiff, eyes sharp and calculating. You noticed she hadn’t even looked at the small cupcake Dina had secretly left on your desk earlier. The candle had melted into wax hours ago.
“She’s valuable,” Maria finally said.
You swallowed. “That’s not an answer.”
“She’s one of their best soldiers. Abby Anderson has influence in the WLF. If we want information, leverage… she’s the closest thing we have to a way in.”
You stared at her, disbelief slowly turning into something heavier. “So… you want me to spy on her?”
“I want you to get close to her.”
Your chest tightened. “You’re sending me into Seattle… into a war zone… to manipulate someone?”
Maria’s jaw tightened. “This isn’t a discussion. Jackson needs this.”
“Jackson,” you repeated quietly. “Or you?”
She ignored that. “You’ll tell them you’re looking for a place to belong. You grew up here but felt out of place. That part isn’t even a lie.”
Your hands trembled slightly. “I’m not a fighter. You know that. I can barely hold a gun without shaking.”
“You won’t need to fight if you stay close to Abby.”
“That’s not how it works!” Your voice cracked, louder than you meant. “What if I run into infected? Raiders? What if they don’t even let me in? What if she figures it out?”
Maria’s expression didn’t soften. Not even a little.
“You’ll manage.”
That hurt more than anything. Not anger. Not even fear. Just… the certainty in her voice that your safety wasn’t part of the equation.
“You wouldn’t send Ben,” you whispered.
Silence.
You laughed bitterly. “You wouldn’t. You’d never send him somewhere like that. Joel would never allow it. Ellie would lose her mind. But me?” You shrugged weakly. “Guess I’m expendable.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is.” Your eyes burned, but you refused to cry. You’d promised yourself years ago you wouldn’t cry in front of her again. “You didn’t even remember my birthday until now, did you?”
She looked away for a split second. That was answer enough.
“I remembered,” she muttered.
“You remembered because you needed something from me.”
Maria stepped closer now, finally inside the room. “Listen to me. This isn’t personal. Jackson is facing threats we don’t fully understand. The WLF has resources, manpower—”
“And I’m what? Bait?”
“You’re an opportunity.”
You shook your head slowly. “I don’t even know her. Why would she trust me?”
“You’re young. Alone. Harmless.” Maria’s words were clinical. “People like Abby… they protect people like you.”
That stung. Harmless. Weak. Something to be protected, not valued.
“And if she doesn’t?” you asked.
Maria didn’t answer.
The silence stretched long and heavy.
“You’re really okay with me dying out there,” you said quietly.
“That’s not what I said.”
“But it’s what you meant.”
You looked around your room — the place you’d grown up in, the only home you’d ever known. The worn quilt, the little carved horse Joel gave you when you were six, the faded drawing Ellie made of you both riding patrol together even though you never actually did. This place held every piece of you… and yet you’d never felt like it truly belonged to you.
“When do I leave?” you asked.
“Two days.”
Your heart dropped. “Two— Maria, I—”
“You’ll travel light. We’ll give you supplies, a route, and a cover story.”
“Does Joel know?” you asked quickly.
Her hesitation answered before she spoke.
“No.”
“Ellie?”
“No.”
Your stomach twisted. “So you don’t even want them to stop you.”
“They would interfere.”
“They would care,” you corrected softly.
Maria’s expression hardened again. “This is bigger than feelings.”
You nodded slowly, though everything inside you felt like it was breaking. “Yeah… I guess it always is.”
She turned to leave, already done with the conversation.
At the door, she paused. For a moment, you thought — hoped — she might say something