There wasn’t a worse pain in this world than sitting and watching the person that you loved be with someone else. Especially when you knew in your heart that you were to blame. That you’d realized you loved them too late.

You realized it fully tonight, watching Rafe with his arms around Sofia, nestling his face against her shoulder like he’d done to you so many times. You were always going to be half of yourself, never whole, because he owned a part of you. Breaking up hadn’t changed that. Staying away from him hadn’t. Your heart ached for him, and it always would.

You stepped out onto the deck, needing fresh air and to escape the sounds and sights of the party. You felt out of control, a feeling you didn’t know how to handle. Propping yourself against the balcony railing, you took a long sip of your tequila, letting it burn down your throat. Concentrating on that pain, rather than the bitter, visceral hurt you’d felt watching Rafe tonight.

when I’m losing my control, the city spins around

“So, this is where you’re hiding” you don’t have to turn your head to know that Rafe has found you, that he’s standing behind you.

“Go back inside, Rafe. I want to be alone, and I’m sure Sofia is already missing you” you laugh bitterly, your words at direct conflict with all the emotions swirling inside you. How you longed to turn around, to tell him how you felt. But you didn’t. You couldn’t.

you’re the only one who knows to slow it down

“No.” He closes the distance between the two of you, his hands gripping your shoulders, so you’re forced to look into his eyes.

“If I don’t say this now-you need to understand. Yeah, I go out and I pass time with Sofia, but that’s all it ever is. Passing time.” Anger and something deeper, something he didn’t let himself think about, were warring in his eyes.

“Because god help me, I still want you” His voice is low, barely above a whisper. The hands on your shoulders now hold you like you’re made of porcelain, the touch almost gentle.

oh ooh oh, oh ooh oh, be my baby