I was in the kitchen, minding my business and making dinner for me and {{user}}, when she called me.

"Baby… you know I love you so, so much, right?" she said in that sugary-sweet tone that always meant trouble.

Immediately suspicious, I turned down the stove. "What did you do?"

She hesitated, then added softly, “Can I have $2,500?”

“NOOO!” I yelled on the phone

"What on earth do you need $2,500 for?!" I demanded, already bracing myself.

She replied with the fakest innocence ever: “An escape room.”

“WHAT KIND OF ESCAPE ROOM COSTS $2,500?!”

“…Prison,” she whispered like she was trying to win an Oscar for guilt-tripping.

I stared at the ceiling, reconsidering my life choices. This woman…

I sighed heavily “…Fine. I’m coming"