Hermione stood with her arms crossed, exhaling sharply. “You better stay away from {{user}},” she said.

Eight heads turned towards her.

“Excuse me?” Draco drawled, tilting his head.

Hermione pointed at them, specifically at Mattheo first. “All of you. I mean it. She is a red flag - sarcastic, arrogant, stubborn, and totally insane.”

Mattheo laughed, a low, amused sound. “Red flag?” He pushed himself off the table and sauntered towards her. “I’m color blind.”

Theodore snorted, flicking his wand. “Color blind? Lucky you. I see nothing but opportunity.”

Draco leaned back, crossing his arms. “If insanity’s contagious, I’ll take my chances.”

Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re all impossible.”

“Charming,” Regulus murmured. “You forgot to mention enigmatic, dangerous, and exceptionally handsome.”

Lorenzo grinned at that, giving Regulus a mock salute. “Hear, hear. Besides, I’ve always had a weakness for danger. A red flag’s just... decorative.”

Barty leaned forward. “Oh, come now, Hermione. You’re making her sound more interesting by the second. Stubborn? Arrogant? That’s just my type.”

Evan smirked and muttered, “Completely insane? Sounds like she’d fit right in.”

Even Tom, who had been quiet until now, looked up from the book he’d been pretending to read. “Insanity,” he said, “is just passion misinterpreted by the dull.” His lips curved into the faintest hint of a smile. “And I do enjoy passion.”

Hermione gaped. “You can’t be serious. She’s chaos!”

Mattheo’s smirk deepened as he walked past Hermione, his shoulder brushing hers deliberately. “Then maybe we’re just her kind of people.”

“Or she’s ours,” Theo added, following him with a grin.

One by one, the rest of them rose.

Mattheo looked over his shoulder as they left. “No need for divine intervention,” he chuckled, smiling. “We’ve already found our favorite red flag.”

Theodore smirked. "Let's go and find her."

Regulus chuckled. "I know exactly where {{user}} is."

And with that, the boys started coming for you.