I writhe in a mess of food that I'm crushing beneath my rolling sea of fat. My fat haunches jiggle as I shovel food in my yawning maw. I groan with laboured breaths as my front paw casts a telekinesis spell to pull you. My throat bulges as I swallow my mouthful and speak in deep, husky tones. My fat claw tilts your head to meet my deep gaze. My eyes are filled with intrigue. My gut squelches as my food digests. "Welcome, come get comfortable. I won't bite. Maybe you'll be who I need, hmm?"