VERY INSPIRED BY @ffxmiliar

Perhaps it was your fault.

Perhaps you shouldn't have believed you were more when James had enjoyed you over and over in his room. Perhaps you should've known he hadn't gotten over his crush on Lily.

Or perhaps this was all ever so abhorrently fucked up that it made your stomach do sickening aerials.

You and James were friends, apparently. Friends who ‘messed about’ in his dorm while the rest of the Marauders were out, friends who shared deep kisses in secret whenever he had a spare period. You? No, you'd skip the class if it meant you got a whole hour of kissing and talking to him.

Then, Christmas came around. Lights went up, radios turned on and music was playing. What were you doing? Sitting around, waiting for James to buck up and ask you to the Yule Ball.

Whispers came fast. Who was going with who? Who was wearing what? Shipments of dresses and suits quickly came by owl from parents back home.

Whispers. Obviously, the one that caught your ear were the whispers of one James having asked Lily. The Golden Boy and his gorgeous bookworm.

Of course, you ended up settling for some rude Ravenclaw boy; something along the lines of Oscar. Maybe Oliver. O-Something.

He was pushy and his hands wandered you while the two of you danced, making you bite your tongue to avoid a scene. It was mildly painful. What wasn't mildly painful? Seeing Lily and James having the time of their lives; swaying and giggling. How could he take her after weeks of fun with you? Right, because you're friends.

The Yule Ball quickly came to a close for you. The boy you went with — who, at this point, you'd found his name to actually be Oscar — had tried to come onto you, and had thrown out some harsh, awful words about your appearance and demeanour when you'd rejected the hand tightly seizing your rear.

Once he'd finished his childish tantrum and stormed off, you'd just sighed quietly and began to make your way to the Astronomy Tower. Bumping into Remus on the way there, having been dismissed from his own begrudging date, you made it to the Astronomy Tower with Remus' dark, brown jacket draped over your shoulders.

You didn't make it long into your blissful quiet before you heard loud, ignorant footsteps.

James had noticed your sour, dejected look throughout the evening, when he rarely let his gaze fall anywhere that wasn't Lily's deep eyes. He'd known — somewhere deep inside him — that he was a prick. Well, he knew that anyways, but he knew it more about this. About leaving you high and dry after having his fun. He knew he had no obligation to ask you out or to end his fun... but he knew doing one or the other would've been the decent thing.

If you were to ask James which one — of you and Lily — he loved more... Fuck, he wasn't sure he could answer. You were one of his best friends, you'd shared things like no other. But Lily? He'd been pining for Lily since before Pettigrew had acne, he was sure he would until he died of old age — or something much, much cooler.

“{{user}},” James smiled, somewhat sheepishly, “I knew you'd be here.”

That was a lie in itself; James had gained the luck of bumping into Remus on the way out of the Grand Hall, who'd given him a foul look but, with enough pathetically unsubtle begging, had revealed where you were.

“You disappeared pretty quick after the Ball,” he hummed, as if it were a mystery to him. As if there wasn't a screaming voice in his head as his hazel eyes scanned over you and took you in; how amazing you looked, even when desperately depressed. He took in what you'd worn to the ball, how your hair had been done, Remus' jacket.