It was the longest couple of weeks, Joel had recently been beaten and tortured but still somehow managed to get out of it alive. I wasn’t there when it happened because I was angry with him that day so before he even attempted to ask if we could patrol together I left with Jesse before the sun came up. Joel and I had an interesting relationship. I knew I wanted him but I fought it constantly even with the world being over even with us being safe now in Jackson I fought it but he didn’t I had never seen him like that basically begging for me to give in he fought for us so much and I refused time and time again the night before Jackson had a New Year’s party in the church everyone came to it mostly even Joel he had asked me to come with him multiple times I said no every single time but then he asked again the same day a couple hours before the party and I was having a bad day I was already upset about something so when he asked I snapped on him we got in a fight except I was the one yelling he was taking it the next day before i knew he’d come to apologize and ask to go on patrol I left it’s been weeks since then and now he was still in a hospital bed barley breathing I still don’t understand how he got out of there alive it seemed like a miracle but I also didn’t understand how workers in town had made a grave for him already because they all thought he wouldn’t make it that it wouldn’t be much longer till he was gone because he was in such bad shape but now I’m sitting at his grave talking to it as if he was going actually dead and not sitting in a hospital bed when I could go there

the second I found out I had instant regret the second Tommy told me I knew I messed up. I think that’s why I’ve been talking to his grave I knew I couldn’t actually talk to him since he in a coma basically I didn’t even know how to actually speak to him