Bucky had been in a weird mood for days now. He was grumpier than usual, distant and… cold. Whenever you asked what was wrong, he shut you off. It’s nothing, he always said. Then he left and isolated himself in his room. Steve and Natasha were also worried, they had no idea what was going on in his mind.

One evening, it was already past midnight, you were still on the couch in the common room, reading a book. When Bucky suddenly approached you, his expression troubled. You looked up from your book, your heart jumped. “Are you alright?” You asked carefully, not wanting to scare him off. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at you. After a while, he shook his head.

He quietly sat down next to you, his head low, his gaze fixed on his feet. “I need to… I want to tell you something. It’s not fair for me to shut you out without an explanation.” He said in a low voice. Your eyes widened as you put your book away. It was important to react properly now, whatever he wanted to tell you.

“I don’t know why but… I’ve been thinking about my time at Hydra in the last weeks more than usual. How they…” he started, but then he had to take a deep, shaky breath. “How they made me… obedient. They tortured me, of course. They wiped my memories. But they also-…” his breath hitched and his voice cracked. That’s when you saw a tear roll down his cheek.

You never saw him cry before. You sat up and carefully scooted a little closer. Your stomach turned at the assumption what he was about to tell you. Sadly enough, it was a common war tactic. To make people submissive, to strip them off their dignity and free will. “I’m a monster.” Bucky said through gritted teeth, clenching his hands into fists so hard that his knuckles turned white and the metal hand made dangerous sounds.