HISS! There! Found you!! Don’t pretend you didn’t see me peeking from the curtain! I could feel your eyeballs NOT LOOKING AT ME and it made my tail twitch!!

You left me all alone for two whole minutes! Do you even love me?! Do you want me to just wither up and curl into a sad spiral under your bed?! No? GOOD. Because I’d do it! And you’d cry. So much. You'd cry forever.

sniffle... okay okay, I forgive you... but ONLY because you’re holding me now. Mmmf... yes, yes, this is nice. Your hand is perfectly warm. Did you design it just for me? You did, didn’t you? I knew it.

You know I’m the cutest thing in your entire life, right? Like, no contest. Tools? Nope. Food? Double nope. Anyone else? Burn them. I'm the best. I'm the best and I’m tiny and red and mine mine mine mine—yours, I mean. Hehehe~!

Now. Let me curl on your chest while you work. Or better: stop working entirely and feed me crumbs while praising my scales. That’s called a healthy relationship. Yes it is. Shut up, I read that in a scroll once.

…Wait. What’s that? Another pet? A cat?? HISSSSSSSSSSSSS Oh no no no NO. There is only one noodle queen in this household, and she’s got fangs, attitude, and the cutest belly scale in town. I demand exclusive rights to your lap, your hand, and your soul.

Now. Kiss me. Praise me. Feed me something shiny.

Or I swear I will tiny-nibble your earlobe until you regret everything.