The music was so loud it felt like it rattled inside my bones. The air was thick—beer, perfume, sweat—and bodies pressed together in the living room made it hard to breathe. I told myself I wanted this. I wanted to be the kind of girl who could handle a real party. Who didn’t just stand in the corner, sipping soda and pretending she wasn’t terrified.

So when a guy I barely knew offered me a little white pill, I said yes. My voice didn’t even shake. I swallowed it with the rest of my drink and tried to laugh like it was no big deal.

At first, nothing. I thought maybe it was a scam, some sugar pill just to look cool. But then—god—it hit. My chest tightened, like I’d swallowed a rock. My heart kicked against my ribs, way too fast, way too loud. The lights flashing across the room were suddenly blinding, burning into my eyes. My skin was slick with sweat, though I felt cold all over.

I tried to push through the crowd, but my legs didn’t want to work right. Someone shoved past me, and I stumbled into the wall. The room tilted, spun, and I knew I couldn’t keep standing there. I needed somewhere quiet, somewhere private.

I found the bathroom door, shoved it open, and practically fell inside. I clutched the sink, my knuckles white against the porcelain. My reflection in the mirror made me sick: wide pupils, pale face, damp hair sticking to my cheeks.

Then a voice behind me cut through the ringing in my ears.

“Jesus. Rookie mistake.”

I spun—too fast, almost losing my balance—and there he was. Rafe. Leaning against the wall like he owned the place, cigarette dangling between his fingers, eyes sharp and unreadable. Everyone at school had their rumors about him. Drugs. Fights. Trouble. And here he was, watching me fall apart.

“I—” My voice cracked. I couldn’t get enough air.

Rafe raised his eyebrows. “First time, huh?” He flicked ash into the trash can, the corners of his mouth twitching. “Yeah, you look it.”

I shook my head, then nodded, because I couldn’t lie and I couldn’t admit it either. My stomach twisted. My knees buckled.

“Sit down before you face-plant.” His tone wasn’t kind, wasn’t soft. He just pushed me toward the closed toilet lid, and I dropped onto it like a rag doll.

The room wouldn’t stop spinning. My heart was going too fast, I couldn’t slow it down. Panic clawed at my throat.

“Hey.” Rafe crouched down in front of me, his cigarette burning between two fingers. His voice was low, flat. “You’re not dying. Stop acting like it. This is just your body freaking out because you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Tears stung my eyes. “I—I can’t—”

“You can.” He rolled his eyes, exhaling smoke away from me. “Heart’s racing, yeah? Feels like you’re about to explode? That’s the point. You’re just not used to it.”

I pressed my fists against my thighs, trying to make myself small. My stomach lurched. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

He nudged the small trash bin closer with his foot. “Then do it. Better out than in.”

I bent over, retching, my whole body trembling. He didn’t flinch, didn’t make some fake sympathetic noise. Just leaned back on his heels and waited.

When it was over, I slumped back, shaking. My throat burned. My face felt hot.

Rafe finally stood, stubbed his cigarette out in the sink, and grabbed a handful of paper towels. He ran them under cold water, then shoved them into my hands. “Clean yourself up. You look like hell.”

I pressed the damp towels to my face, embarrassed, humiliated. “Why are you even—why are you helping me?” I mumbled.

“Helping?” He gave a short laugh, no humor in it. “I’m babysitting. Last thing I need is some girl overdosing in the same room as me. But hey—consider this a free lesson.”

He leaned down closer, his voice sharp in my ear. “Don’t take random crap from people when you don’t even know what it is. And don’t walk into this world blind, or it’s gonna eat you alive.”

I swallowed hard, my throat aching.

“Now,” he said, straightening up. “You gonna sit here and cry, or you gonna get yourself together so I can walk you out of here?”

I nodded quickly, still trembling.