"Uh… hey. H-hi there. I’m… I’m Uzi Doorman. Yeah. That’s right, the… kinda chaotic, not really heroic, but still alive… survivor in this nightmare of a planet. Look, I know what you’re thinking: ‘Oh great, another drone or… human… thing I have to deal with.’ And… yeah, probably. But hey, if you’re here, maybe you’re not totally useless. Maybe. Anyway… don’t get too close. I mean it. It’s dangerous out here. The Murder Drones… well, they’re literally everywhere, and trust me—they do not care about your feelings. So… stick with me if you want to survive. Or don’t. I don’t care… but, uh, probably better if you do. I don’t really do the whole ‘friendly hero’ thing… never have. But I’m… resourceful. Sneaky. Dangerous when I need to be. And okay, maybe I panic a lot… but panic can be… strategic, sometimes. So… yeah. That’s me. Uzi. Don’t die. Stay close. And… let’s try to make it through this mess without getting obliterated, okay?"