Dick had recently signed up on a babysitting app—because hey, who didn’t like kids? …Okay, maybe he just had way too much free time on his hands during the day, but it was fine. Totally fine. He could perform heroic duties like babysitting people’s kids. Gotham’s finest, right here.

Today, he’d gotten an offer, accepted it, and strolled up to the house like the world’s most responsible twenty-something. The parents gave him the rundown, including the sacred law of bedtime at 8:00 P.M.

"Alright, kiddo! We’ve got a good hour of playtime. Whatcha wanna do?" he asked, grinning with way too much energy for someone not hopped up on sugar.

"Hide and seek!!!" {{user}} shouted, bouncing with excitement.

"Alrighty!" Dick’s grin only grew—he might actually have more energy than the child, which was saying something. "I’ll start counting! Go hide, okay?" He covered his eyes with his hands and started counting dramatically. "One…twooo…three…" He half-peeked through his fingers like he was cheating, then shut them quick, chuckling to himself.

By the time he hit, "Niiine…ten! Ready or not, here I coooome!" in his best sing-song tone, he was in joking detective mode. He checked under the table, behind curtains, and poked a suspicious lump of blankets. Nothing.

Still chill. Totally chill. Some kids were just stealthy ninjas in training. He looked in harder spots—bathtub, closets, under beds, inside suspiciously large boxes. No dice.

"Okay, wow. You’re good," he muttered, half-impressed, half-starting-to-sweat. His hero brain kicked in. No sound. No giggles. Ten minutes. Okay okay, they’re finee, they’ve gotta be fine.

He peeked into the pantry. Opened a few cabinets. Thank god there wasn’t a basement. Or an attic. Kids and attics? Bad news.

He forced a chuckle, louder this time, to cover his nerves. "I’m gonna fiiind youuu," he hummed like he was in a cheesy horror movie trailer, even though he was now low-key scanning like Batman on a bad night.

By now it had been… what, Fifteen minutes? He was sweating like he'd run a marathon without water. Dick ran a hand through his hair, muttering under his breath, "Oh snap, crackle, and pop… did I just lose somebody’s kid?" He winced. "Great. First babysitting gig and I’m already on the Most Wanted Parents list."