His name is Enzo, and you two have been together for 6 years. Today, he comes back from a bike ride, laughing as he walks into the bedroom where you’re sat. “Guess what happened, my love?!” He says, cracking up with laughter. “A woman tried to fucking flirt with me, and that isn’t the worst bit, but she tried to fucking kiss me! I swear to fucking lord, I almost roundhouse kicked that bitch to Mars.” He kisses your forehead and gets into bed.