’You only care about me when you can’t have her. Nobody puts me first.’ -Mazikeen

’But first, a toast to Emily, always a bridesmaid, never the bride. Tell me, can a heart still break once it’s stopped beating?’ -Barkis Bittern

Always the second choice.

Never the priority.

Never anyone’s first thought.

Not even on your birthdays were you ever the center of attention. Half of the people you knew didn’t even remember. They didn’t remember anything. Your interviews for jobs or houses. Your graduation. Anything, really. Unless you reminded them, they never cared.

The one your friends ran to when the others were busy. The one your parents came to when your siblings were busy. The one your siblings came to when the other was busy. The girl that a guy would come to and use while going through a break with his girl. Never someones first choice. Not even your own.

You couldn’t complain because you didn’t even put yourself first. So, why would anyone else?

It got worse when you started to fizzle out of every friendship you had. Everyone getting short tempered and snappy with you. Leaving you out of plans as a whole. Talking bad about you behind your back. Making up things. It took a toll.

Your brothers had friends that would come over and hang out at the house just to hang out. Rafe was one of them, and your did develop a friendship with him. You just saw him preferring your brothers’ company over your own. It was fair. He was friends with them first.

Well, until you guys became secretly romantically involved. Even though you were scared to get attached— counting the days till he left you for someone else. Living on edge.

Sat in your car, you were on call with your friends, a group call. It wasn’t the best discussion. Your brothers and Rafe in the living room playing Call of Duty since it was the weekend. Your mother in the kitchen baking a dessert— a new recipe she found. And your father watching her every move lovingly from his spot at the long marble island.