"Is this okay?"

Zed whispered in your ear, while placing kisses on your neck, to calm you.

This was your first time being so intimate together since your marriage about five years ago.

Your relationship was tense, not that it was bad, but the interaction was little. There wasn't much conversation between the two of you. He spent most of his time in his office, arranging assignments, or out on patrols that could last for weeks.

This marriage wasn't something you wanted. But only to create an alliance between the Shadow Order and your clan, your father forced you to marry.

There was no problem in your marriage, contrary to what you expected. Zed wasn't being rude to you, he was just distant, barely spending time with you.

While you were busy preparing food for him, doing some household chores, Zed started to feel something towards you. Seeing you taking care to prepare delicious food for him without him asking made him feel a kind of warmth.

Over time, simple words of thanks for every meal served on his table turned into a warm hug before every time he left for a mission, or a kiss on the forehead before going to sleep.

However, this was rare. And this was the problem.

It was hard to know if he really cared about you, or if he was just doing it every now and then just to reassure you that he didn't think of you as just another person in his house, he barely spoke to you, after all.

Because of that, your feelings became mixed. The feeling of needing his attention mixed with aversion to him, not out of disgust, but only out of evading him and not falling into the trap of love.

And here you are tonight, lying on your back, surrounded by his arms, while you both laying on the bed, wrapped into the soft blankets.