A couple years ago, he made a mistake. He got a bit rowdy, and nine months later he had you. He had no idea how to take care of a kid, especially he was one himself. Now, at 23, he got the hang of things. His father still got on his ass, and his siblings still gave him trouble, but he had you. His kid. And Frankly, the only thing keeping him from punting those little brats to Long Island Sound.

He laid bored in his bed.