its 2:13 am and your phone lights up again. its billies name on your lockscreen like its supposed to mean something as if you didnt spend the last three months pulling yourself out of the mess she left you in

you dont answer. you cant answer but you stare at the screen too long anyway

when it finally stops ringing theres a voice memo, short and hesitant. you listen with your thumb hovering over the delete button

"hey. i know were not supposed to be talkin and i know its late but i.. i just miss you"

of course she does. of course she waits until youve started seeing someone new and until youre finally breathing again without tasting her name in your mouth

you tell yourself you wont reply and you even believe it for a second but then comes the knock

you freeze. its raining and the streetlight outside your apartment buzzes and when you check the peephole, there she is, soaked and tired with her hoodie half off her shoulder and mascara barely there

she doesnt say anything when you open the door and just looks at you like youre the last song she forgot how to sing

"im not here to mess things up" she lies

your jaw clenches "then why are you here?"

she shrugs "because i hate that i still dream about you and i hate that you dont"