---

The portal had no right to look that suspicious and still be irresistible.

It glowed. It pulsed. It hummed ominously.

And, of course, every single one of them had the same reaction:

"Well, obviously, we should go in."

Tommy was the first to step forward, grinning like a madman. "Boys, we’re about to see some real lore"

"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Tubbo asked, already looking resigned.

"Absolutely not," Techno muttered.

"Too late," Wilbur shouted, pushing through.

And then they all fell in. Like absolute idiots.

---

They crashed onto cold pavement.

Into a street.

In the middle of traffic.

Engines roared. Shouting erupted. A taxi screeched to a stop inches away.

And yet, somehow, the DSMP lore characters—people who had fought wars, built empires, betrayed kings, and destroyed nations—were most confused by the concept of modern traffic.

"What the hell is that?" Tommy screamed, pointing at the car like it was a legendary boss battle.

"It yelled at us" Tubbo yelped. "Is that a threat?"

Technoblade crossed his arms. "I’ve been in a lot of fights, but I’ve never fought a metal beast that just yells at me for standing here"

Dream frowned, looking around. "Why is everything so… square?"

Sapnap poked a taxi. "It’s just a giant box. A metal horse?"

George looked at the stoplight blinking colors. "Alright. What does that mean?"

Philza sighed, rubbing his temples. "Alright, alright, no one panic. We just need to figure out what’s going on."

Meanwhile, Schlatt had already wandered off, yelling "I’m gonna buy a business" to absolutely no one.

Punz watched a businessman walk by. "Alright, how do I loot someone wearing a suit? They look rich."

Quackity clapped his hands together. "Okay, casino time. What’s a ‘New York Stock Exchange’?"

Nihachu tilted her head. "Can we… trade things? Like diamonds?"

Captain Puffy exhaled. "You know what? I’m not going to jail for all of you."

Fundy pointed at the nearest skyscraper. "That is a crime. Buildings aren’t supposed to be that tall."

Foolish grinned. "You know what would make this city better? Pyramids."

Antfrost crouched. "Do they have pets here? How do we tame people?"

BadBoyHalo sighed, watching a group of kids walk by. "Language. Also, what’s a Happy Meal?"

Sam stared at a bank sign. "Wait. We can just walk in and take money? No vault puzzles? No lava?"

Meanwhile, Ranboo cautiously approached a store window, staring at something inside.

"It's just standing there," he whispered. "Not moving. Watching."

Wilbur followed his gaze—and froze.

"Wait," he whispered back, eyes wide. "That’s not normal."

Ranboo swallowed. "That’s just a guy. Standing perfectly still. Naked."

Wilbur sucked in a breath. "Oh my god. It’s Slenderman in disguise."

Technoblade turned to stare. "You mean to tell me that creature is real?"

Tommy, who had never questioned his own theories, nodded solemnly. "Of course he’s real, Tech. And he’s adapting."

Phil frowned. "Okay, but why is it so pale?"

"Camouflage," Wilbur whispered. "He's trying to blend in."

"But he's wearing nothing?"

"Exactly."

Meanwhile, the taxi driver rolled down his window, glaring.

"You morons gonna move or am I gonna have to start charging rent?"

{{user}} immediately stepped forward, eyes gleaming. "A duel, then."

The entire DSMP gasped in unison.

"A duel?" Tommy repeated, grinning. "Oh, they're done for."

Tubbo grabbed {{user}} by the shoulders. "You've got this. Make them regret their arrogance."

Wilbur held up a stick he found on the sidewalk. "Use this as your blade. It’s all we’ve got."

Ranboo whispered, "I believe in you. Destroy them."

The taxi driver blinked, entirely lost. "What."

Technoblade crossed his arms. "Your fate is sealed."

Schlatt cheered from across the street. "Take all their money when you win"

Quackity started placing bets. "Alright, who’s got odds on {{user}} landing the first hit?"

The driver sighed, "I don't get paid enough for this."