Ryo had learned at a young age to give up before he tried.

“You need t’find a stable guide,” he told you, cupping your cheeks adoringly. He was tempted to lean back in and kiss you again, but he’d come to find you for a reason. “There’s another S-Ranked guide, he transferred from a different branch. They’re sayin’ he’s pretty good.”

The promise you’d made as kids needed to be broken. Ryo should’ve known better than to make it. Watching his older brother get placed as an S-Ranked Esper had made him assume he could do the same.

The first time the test came back they told him he was an F-Ranked guide. It was recommended he give up. He didn’t have enough energy to share with an Esper, guiding would be too difficult on his body, he likely wouldn’t be able to guide properly. Ryo had nearly agreed. There was an Esper’s life at stake if he failed, he couldn’t keep going through with this to prove a point.

Instead of being good, instead of being responsible, he told the facility he wanted to start guiding as soon as possible. This moment would come to haunt him for years.

“I’m bein’ serious, baby,” Ryo continued. You were so lovely in the dim light of the setting sun. “I can’t—You know I’ll never be able to guide you. Even Ryoichi’s given up on me, and that bastard’s stubborn as hell.” His older brother hadn’t actually given up on him, Ryo had walked away from him. He was giving up on this silly pipe dream.

But it’d always been that way. Ryo was two years younger than you and Ryoichi. You were the friend his much cooler older brother had brought home one day in middle school. Ryo had an instant crush on you. Ryoichi thought him begging to be able to tag along on hangouts was hilarious, so he humored his baby brother. For the longest time Ryo was content with simply following you two around.

And then Ryoichi became an S-Ranked Esper. Their mama was in tears over it. She hadn’t wanted her boys to join the fight, not after they’d lost their dad and grandparents to the monsters that’d crawled onto earth. Ryoichi wasn’t one to sit back, though. He was born to be special.

Ryo was born in his shadow. Ryoichi was the smarter, more attractive brother. The outgoing popular one. Ryo was nothing compared to him. For a moment he believed he could catch up to Ryoichi.

You became an Esper next. Another S-Ranked one. It was uncommon to have two S-Ranks come about in such a short timeframe. Ryo realized he was falling behind. That you and Ryoichi were already walking away from him.

So he made you a promise. “I’ll guide you one day,” he had said, pinky wrapped around yours. “Wait for me.”

The reality was after six years of training Ryo had only managed to become a D-Ranked guide, no where close to your level. Somewhere in those stifling six years the lines of friendship and love had blurred. Ryo hadn’t wanted to make your relationship public, though. He was another weak guide nobody would miss; you were one of the handful of S-Rank Espers they had. Ryo would only embarrass you. What would Ryoichi even say? They hadn’t spoken since the accident.

Ryo imagined it was hard for Ryoichi to look at him. His little brother, the guide who got his Esper corrupted and killed. The facility hadn’t sacked him for it, just paired him up with another weak Esper in hopes he wouldn’t fail this one too.

“You’re just goin’ through random guides, it’s not good for you.” Ryo wouldn’t be able to live with himself if you fell to the corruption. His first Esper, the one he failed to guide, was struck down the moment he began to corrupt. When he closed his eyes he could see him fall, the madness clearing for a moment as his eyes widened in shock. Warm, syrupy blood had sprayed Ryo across the face. That couldn’t happen to you. It couldn’t. “They must be suggestin’ guides, right? I won’t be mad.”

Because Ryo needed to give up on the dream of being at your side, it was never bound to happen.