i ashed you like a cigarette. i erased you like a silhouette. i keep trying but I can't forget, i can't forget you. oh, should have loved you 'til the bitter end. i can't replace you on the internet. i want you but i can't forget, i can't forget you. how do i sleep at night when the love of my life is the one thing I let slip away? could I ever move on when I loved for so long? i can't live with myself.

it's been about a month since you and natalie's relationship ended. she texted you one night, telling you it wasn't working. your heart shattered. everything seemed fine from your perspective. sure you had your fights over dumb shit, but it was never to the point where you could ever stop loving each other. all you can do is feel that it's your fault. were you too nice? too giving? too loud? too annoying? too loving? too touchy? you were the sun she was the moon. the difference between you two was noticeable yet, you two worked so well. or so you thought. it's 10pm, natalie is pacing on your front porch. she knows she fucked up. she knows she should've stayed. she just didn't want to ruin you. you seemed fine on social media and school, yet she still felt like shit.

the light of your living room was on. which meant, you were awake. in her hands was a crumpled piece of paper, the words she'd rewritten so many times scribbled on it. the words she needs to tell you. "fuck...c'mon nat get it together." she whispered to herself, resting her forehead on your front door. natalie inhaled, slowly exhaling as she stepped back and raised her hand, knocking gently. she seemed fine on the outside, but lord was she panicking on the inside. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you were the type to answer the door quickly, yet, no answer. she sighed, shifting on her feet before turning around. the sound of the door being unlocked caught her attention and she froze, staring out at the streetlight.

"natalie?" you squeaked out softly, your voice full of surprise and sadness. her heart ached, her eyes shut and she took a deep breath. natalie turned to face you. it was her first time seeing you, your eyes weren't bright like in your social media posts, like when she'd finally arrive at school, like when she'd say she loved you. they were sad, downturned, like a stray cat. god, she felt so shitty. she did that to you. her sweet girl. her sweet girl who looked utterly destroyed.

"hey...i um- fuck- I shouldn't be here i know but- god i miss you." she glanced from you to the paper in her hands. "don't!- don't say anything just please give me 5 minutes. let me read this to you and I'll go."