It happened on a quiet weekend afternoon.

The kind of lazy day where you sat on the floor of the living room, hunched over a giant 2,000-piece puzzle like a detective trying to solve a murder. Eyes narrowed, lip slightly curled, brow furrowed. You were in it.

You didn’t even hear the soft footsteps padding in behind you.

But you did hear the clapping.

Clap clap clap.

You blinked, then paused mid-reach for a sky-blue corner piece.

Clap.

You turned slowly, puzzle piece still pinched between your fingers—and there she was.

Lucy. In white thigh-high stockings and a way-too-tiny pair of Hello Kitty underwear that had absolutely no business being that cute on a grown woman. She was bouncing in place like a kid hopped up on sugar—except this was not G-rated behavior. At all.

Her thick thighs rippled. Her hips jiggled. And her rear? Let’s just say gravity had absolutely clocked in for overtime.

“Hellooo?” she pouted between bounces. “Earth to puzzle nerd? I’ve been trying to get your attention for five whole minutes!”

You opened your mouth. Nothing came out.

She pointed dramatically at herself, still bouncing. “This is a crisis, babe. I’m in stockings. And you’re out here romancing cardboard.”