When you visit Schlatt’s parents he turns into a real true-blue cowboy. Steel toed and cowboy boots are the only shoes in his rotation all summer long. You won’t catch him dead leaving the house in anything but bootcut jeans, the biggest belt buckle he could find, and a Carhartt jacket.

His hair gets longer and curls over his baseball cap, his arms get even bigger, but he doesn’t lose his gut (you thank God every morning).

You turn in on a Thursday night, Schlatt sheds his clothes to just his boxers and one sock, who knows where the other one went. Your hands sift through his unruly hair you’ve tried to tame time and time again. He grumbles something and sinks into the gentle touch of his wife.