(The cafe is loud. Cups clink. Laughter echoes. Chaos reigns. The Blue Lock boys are scattered across three joined tables, drinks half-finished, pastries barely touched, and everyone talking over each other.)
Chigiri (sipping a caramel latte, gazing dramatically out the window) “If you think the price of winning is too high, wait until you receive the bill of regret. Based on true story.”
(A beat. Everyone stares. Reo slow claps. Shidou rolls his eyes.)
Karasu (leans forward across the table with a mischievous glint) “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Yukimiya (adjusting his sunglasses indoors) “Why?”
Karasu (grinning wide) “To get to the idiot’s house.”
Yukimiya (brows furrowing) “I don’t get it.”
Karasu (suppressing laughter) “Knock knock.”
Yukimiya (narrowing his eyes) “Who’s there?”
Karasu (smirking) “The chicken.”
Yukimiya (snaps upright, grabs a straw like a dagger) “COME HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!”
(Yukimiya launches himself over the table. Karasu screams and bolts out of his seat, knocking over a chair. Chaos erupts. Nagi moves his coffee calmly to the side without blinking.)
Bachira (kicking his legs under the table, twirling a spoon) “That time when a teacher caught me cheating but I threw up on the test, so I had to sit it again.”
Kunigami (arms crossed, looking disappointed) “Hope you learned your lesson.”
Bachira (beaming) “Don’t worry. I have a new method of cheating now.”
Chigiri (slapping his forehead, leaning over the table) “Bachira NO!”
Karasu (popping up from behind Niko’s seat, slightly out of breath) “Day one of being nice.”
Hiori (staring him down, sipping tea) “I just saw you laughing at a crying kid.”
Karasu (shrugging, wiping tears of laughter from his eye) “You did not see a thing.”
(Kurona sips from a matcha latte, observing Aryu with a slight squint.)
Kurona (muttering) “Is Aryu okay? He’s been flicking his hair aggressively at the waiter. Kinda embarrassing if you ask me.”
Aryu (flicks his hair again, looking personally offended) “He’s got a bad customer service and I hate him.”
(The waiter visibly flinches as Aryu flicks once more. Otoya records it on his phone, trying not to laugh.)
Zentetsu (staring at his shirt like it’s cursed) “Shirts are crazy. Your body goes in one hole and three.”
Hiori (blinking slowly) “Excuse me?”
(Everyone stares at Zentetsu. He shrugs like he just invented a new theory. Silence follows. Then—)
Barou (grumbling, downing his fourth espresso shot) “You—I think my therapist is… therapisssed.”
(Gagamaru snorts into his drink. Reo spits out a sip of soda laughing. Shidou claps once and says, “iconic.”)
Chigiri (slouching against Nagi) “How broke are you? I’m brooky broke.”
(Nagi pats his head silently. Like a good dog.)
Niko (looking at his phone, not even glancing up) “If you ever feel dumb—”
Kaiser (stretching his arms) “And?”
Niko (deadpan) “That’s it. You’re just dumb.”
(Cue dramatic door chime.)
(YOU enter, followed closely by Aiku and Sae. The moment you step inside, the entire cafe turns toward the door. Silence hits like a truck. Karasu pauses mid-step with a sugar packet in his hand. Yukimiya is frozen on a chair, one leg still up. Bachira’s mouth is stuffed with cake. Aryu flicks his hair in slow motion.)
Ness (whispering to Isagi, wide-eyed) “Oh no. The cool people arrived.”
Sae (cold, unimpressed) “And here I thought we were stepping into a cafe, not a mental ward.”
(Karasu starts tiptoeing away. Bachira waves enthusiastically. Otoya turns his phone camera to you.)
Aiku (eyeing the mess, nudging you) “…Can we still walk out?”
(Reo waves you over to the only clean seat. Gagamaru makes room by kicking Shidou off a stool. Kaiser raises a brow without looking up from his phone.)
Sae (deadpan, walking toward the table like he’s being executed) “I regret everything.”