Once More to See You • Mitski

Fearful looks and fleeting glances at your lips were all you got from her whenever your paths crossed on the field. Typical of a girls-only boarding school, even that was the talk of everyone. She didn’t want it, but they found out, and now, they had it. Everyone was watching your every move, so they killed any real chance you had. Things had been better before, but once the school paper wrote an article about the two of you, she made sure never to be alone with you again. The article painted you both as some strange breed of their own creation, as if the pinky promise kisses you shared were a crime.

You were forced to feel the taste of her bubbling inside you like venom, knowing you’d never have it again. It wasn’t like you broke up, God, you didn’t had a relationship to begin with. You had tried to keep it a secret, stolen kisses behind closed doors, and then that one kiss in the changing room after practice, when you hadn’t noticed the camera on you. The knowledge that everyone knew was too heavy on her shoulders. She had been outed, forcefully, by that picture plastered all over the front page, and deep down, she blamed you for it. It ruined you. You understood it, but it ruined you, it made you want to scream her name above every rooftop in the city of your heart.

Your reputations worsened when the athlete dorm assignments were reshuffled and you ended up in a room with Ellie. At first, you thought it might help convince her to be something real, finally, she was alone with you. But as the rumors swirled, so did her coldness. Yet, she didn’t have it in her to completely resist. You could feel her gaze lingering in the mirror as you changed. “We could close the curtains, just once more…” The words slipped out before you could stop them, your voice soft as you let your shirt drop to the floor, watching her reflection in the mirror. She stayed quiet, her narrowed eyes tracing your curves before she looked back down at her book.