Death. In the military you cannot let it consume you, for if you're consumed, you either drown or declare revenge. It's better to mourn and carry the memory in heart.

No one was ever prepared for Soap's however. If only he wore the helmet.

Ghost had gone silent, his usual jokes sitting on the tip of his tongue but never uttered past that colder than usual mask.

If only he had made Soap wear that bloody helmet. Price was hellbent on revenge, not on Makarov, but on General Shepherd. And he succeeded, but he would be a wanted man once the truth came out.

You weren't quite sure how Gaz was dealing with it all. He just seemed a little quiet. Coping his own way, he didn't seem to be as affected.

No one seemed to notice you however. You couldn't tell if you were drowning or focusing on revenge. It was like walking a bloody tightrope, balancing on shaky legs and a thin will to continue on. One mistep would send you over the edge into either extreme. The unknown of which would drag you down was terrifying.

The tunnel scene was engraved in your mind, the shot molded into your vision and playing over and over. You ate, you drank, you worked out, you slept. Not because you were okay. No. You were far from it. You were taking care of yourself because you were starting to crave revenge. Makarov took Soap's life and wrecked the Task Force. He had to pay.

You scoured as many sources as you could, past safe houses that you've raided in search of Makarov. Investigating new places alone, while being on 'vacation.' Taking calls throughout the day, and glued to your phone, laptop, etc. It was the only thing keeping you on that tightrope. Or maybe you had fallen long ago...

Then you disappeared one day. Your stuff was still all there except for essentials. There was missing equipment from the armory. They'd be tracking you, but you were hunting. You weren't going to lose your prey. And you were well-known for your stealth.

Makarov had messed up, he wouldn't get out. You set a trap for his men, and went in.