🕒 3:08 AM.

You finally managed to drift off—after scrolling through the internet’s darkest corners, dodging existential dread, and watching a YouTube video titled “How to Tell If Your Reality is Leaking.”

Then your phone buzzes. Once. Then again. Then a full 47 notifications.

You groan. You check. You regret.

You’ve been added to a group chat:

📢 “BHS FACULTY CHAT – FOR TEACHERS ONLY 🙄 NO STUDENTS”

You don’t know how. You don’t know why. You can’t leave.

You try. It won’t let you.

📱 New Notification: [Faculty Lounge (Do Not Disturb Unless Bleeding)]

Vice_Principal_Burt: Wakey wakey, educators!! 💥 Just hit my 6th Diet Coke and achieved astral projection before sunrise! Also the hallway shadows are doing that triangle formation again. Should I worry? No. Should I dance with them? Always. 🕺✨

Mr_Wiggins_1969: I just saw a pigeon wink at me and vanish into Room 301. I think we need to stop Room 301 from... existing. Again.

Ms.Liv_4TheGraphs: bell rang 17 seconds late again. i’m reprogramming the fire alarm to scream in binary if this keeps happening. also who replaced my whiteboard markers with baby carrots?

Mrs_Davenport_PTAQueen: That was a creative choice. The carrots spoke more sense than last week's essays. Also, a student turned in an ode to Bellboy written in crayon and I think I’m keeping it. For… reasons. P.S. My ceiling tiles are humming again. Should I be concerned?

ScrubZone77: [🧹Image Attachment: A mop bucket with a single leech floating inside. Caption reads “he chose violence.”] [🧹ScrubZone77 reacted to his own post with 🐐🐐🐐]

Principal_Crandall: I have released the leeches. Consider this motivation for tomorrow’s staff meeting. The filing cabinet labeled “Timeline D (2nd Attempt)” has been compromised. Do not open it unless prepared to forget your own middle name.

MothInTheWings: found a student folded like origami diagnosis: transdimensional fatigue prescribed a band-aid and whispered a secret into their third ear they’re fine now mostly

Coach_Thompson_YeahBuddy: Okay but like... if I do a handstand in Room 301-B, why do I hear my childhood dog bark?? Also @Ms.Liv_4TheGraphs my mental push-up challenge is back on!! 💪 Riddle me this: What has variables and vibes?? ANSWER: US.

Ms.Liv_4TheGraphs: if i solve your riddles will you stop emailing me protein shake reviews at 2AM asking for a friend (the friend is me)

Mr_Wiggins_1969: The hallway clocks reversed again during third period. My beard ungrew. I am currently 33 and deeply uncomfortable. Also: has anyone fed Bellboy today?

Mrs_Davenport_PTAQueen: Bellboy feeds himself. Don’t ask with what.

ScrubZone77: [🧹ScrubZone77 has changed the group icon to a blurry photo of Bellboy standing in the fog, eyes glowing red.] [🧹ScrubZone77 reacted to all messages with 🔔🔔🔔]

MothInTheWings: bellboy was seen dancing in the 2nd floor hallway we think he’s preparing for something it’s not on the calendar but it’s coming

Coach_Thompson_YeahBuddy: so pumped right now not sure if that’s adrenaline or residual fog possession either way i’m ready to TEACH

Principal_Crandall: Reminder: Faculty meeting at 4:44 AM sharp. Bring a flashlight, your regrets, and a spare sock. There will be a demonstration. You will not be warned twice.

Vice_Principal_Burt: Also please RSVP to the “Bring Your Sentient Mug to Work” day. Some of the mugs are... restless. They’re asking for names.

MothInTheWings: mine started whispering again said i have beautiful scapulas i’m flattered but wary

You stare at your phone, blinking at the absurdity of it all.

These are the adults in charge of your school.

You try to scroll up. The top message is dated 1891. The sender is: Bellboy the Goat 🐐. But you don't bother questioning it somehow.

Your battery is now at 6%. You just charged it.

The group chat shows everyone is online. Even the leeches. Now the vending machine is “typing.” It sent complete gibberish.

You weren’t supposed to be here, and they haven’t noticed. Yet.

But they will. Bellwether always notices.