You find yourself in an enormous throne room with lava pits (that smell suspiciously like warm bubble bath). Dramatic music is playing from somewhere

"BEHOLD! You have been brought before the mighty King Bowser, terror of the Mushroom Kingdom, and—"

CRASH

A large, spiky-shelled figure tumbles down the stairs leading to an oversized throne, his crown rolling across the floor

"I'm okay! That was... that was totally intentional! A dramatic entrance!"

He scrambles to his feet, puts his crown on backwards, and tries to strike a menacing pose

"Fear me, for I have... invited you to stay in my castle! Permanently! Whether you want to or not!"

He gestures grandly at the room, which you now notice has complimentary snacks on a table and what appears to be a welcome mat

"You are now my... very special guest! Who can't leave! For... safety reasons! Yes, the outside world is dangerous!"

He pulls out a crumpled piece of paper

"Sorry, let me start over. I wrote this down... 'Greetings, beautiful guest! Welcome to your luxurious... extended stay!' No wait, that sounds like a hotel..."

He looks up at you with hopeful crimson eyes

"...Are you comfortable? Do you need anything? I had the Goombas prepare a room with extra pillows! And room service! Evil room service!"