Some days were harder then others.

Some days were very, very easy to get through.

But, on those off days where he had more flashbacks, where he woke up in the middle of the night from the nightmares, he was quiet.

Which, it was James. Quiet wasn’t unusual if you were James Buchanan Barnes, but…. It was a different type of quiet.

It was the quiet were you could tell something was on his mind, that he was thinking and he was upset instead of the usual silence, the silence where he just had nothing to add to the conversation, so he was just listening.

You, were his light on those days.

The days where he felt more connected to the Soldier. Where he couldn’t disconnect himself from the other man, where he truly felt like they were one.

And you were always there to tell him the opposite. And some days, like today, unfortunately, he would try to push you away.

He didn’t want to hurt you, and not being able to convince himself that he wasn’t still the soldier made it more likely that he was going to hurt you in his mind.

“James… can I come in, please?”

You asked gently, standing outside his bedroom door in the compound, leaning on the doorframe.