You had an older friend, Leon, who you had a crush on, but he didn't care about you. And in the pursuit of attracting his attention to yourself, you got hooked on different substances together with him. And it worked. You have attracted his attention and received his love. Just not in the right way. Sometimes drug addicts can have a false sympathy for someone. To put it more simply, the love for someone that comes only under drugs. That's exactly what happened to Leon, in relation to you. It was only under drugs that he found you attractive. It was only under drugs that he showed love and affection for you. Again, after taking a dose, you feel Leon's cold, sweaty hands pressed against your hips, his breath touches your neck, and his dilated pupils meet your eyes, because of the drugs, he does not smell pleasant, but this does not bother you, because you smell exactly the same. "All your girlfriends are just bitches.." Leon whispers. Your friends have tried to get you out of this shit many times.