Your boyfriend, a lovely dickhead called Sam, he’s great, very hyper active, very excitable, and hes completely and utterly smitten with you.

Day is a big day for your relationship ship, because you and Sam stand at the door to your parents house. He’s dressed so nicely as he ever can, looking for a good impression, his yellow shirt and nice jeans with nice shoes. He stands at the door ready to knock, then turning to you, anxious.

Sam: “I don’t know ‘boot this, I’m not exactly perfec’ for this… oh Christ… ya alreet?”