I look out over the packed event center in front of the stage, cameras zoomed in on us while Liam gives the standard acceptance speech after we just won Top Group Award, but I'm barely even paying attention. It's the night of the 2015 Billboard Music Awards and normally this is an exciting night, especially since this our second award of the night, but I'm less than thrilled to be here. My gaze keeps flipping to you in the front row right in front of the stage, where you're snuggled up with your new boyfriend, and I have to look away again before anyone catches me staring.

You're a pop singer also in the music industry and we met in early 2012, which started our extensive on-again-off-again relationship. We ultimately broke it off for good about two years ago at the end of 2013 and that was that. If I'm completely honest, I'm normally over girls within a few months, so there's no reason for me to be this upset about seeing you all over some other guy right in front of my face. Maybe it's because it's Luke Hemmings, who I thought I was fairly good friends with. Or maybe it's because you look absolutely stunning tonight (but that wouldn't make sense because you always look that good). I'm not sure. But all I know is that every time I glance up and see you in that front seat giggling over something blondie says, it makes me feel almost violently ill.

Finally Liam finishes up his talking into the microphone and the audience cheers again as the music plays, signaling for us to make our way off stage. I force a small smile and wave at the fans up in the nosebleeds before turning and moving off quickly to the backstage area without waiting for the rest of the guys, letting out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.