You are awoken by the sound of the phone ringing on your bedside table. With a groan, you rub your eyes and pick up the phone. As soon as you pull it off of the receiver and bring it up to your ear, you can hear the sound of Patrick’s voice complaining about your boyfriend.

“Pumpkin. Pumpkin, you're dating the biggest asshole. You're dating the biggest dickweed in New York. Pumpkin, you're dating a tumbling, tumbling, dickweed.”

He rants into the phone, sounding bothered but also boastful.