This is the first time I don't feel special.

The first time I've watched my life shatter around me as I stood in the remains, surrounded by bright blood.

It was everywhere-on their neck, their shirt, their hands, the floor, me.

Every-f*cking-where.

I’m in the middle of the hospital waiting area, but I can still see dripping on the floor as I carried {{user}} in my arms. I can still see their paled skin and hear the haunting sound that left their throat before they closed their eyes.

They’ve been in surgery for seven hours. Seven f*cking hours and the nurse has come through twice for blood. Twice.

Seven hours and I haven't moved an inch from my position in front of the OR door. A nurse had to come out here to bandage my hand, because there was no way in f*ck I was moving.

Seven hours of hearing Astrid crying. Glyn and Lan flew in from the island as soon as they heard the news and arrived a couple of hours ago.

Glyn has been hugging her mom and crying. Lan and Levi are now standing beside me after they finished pacing the corridor for the millionth time. Levi drove us to the hospital like a madman while I held {{user}} on my lap in the back seat, keeping pressure on their neck.

The bleeding never stopped. Not even temporarily. The more time passed, the closer I was to losing them.

I'll never forget how their pulse diminished beneath my fingers, how I was begging and kissing their blue lips and asking, imploring, praying for a God I've never believed in to give them back to me.

I'll do anything if you give them back.

If he asked for my life in return, I'd spill my guts on a platter.

I don't want a life without them.

I can't have a life without them.