'don't know why they put all of this on us when we're so young, done a pretty good job dealing with it all, when you're here, don't need to say no more.'

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅ who knew being on the ground would cause you -- and some others -- that much of worries? you didn't possibly think that finally achieving the dream of humanity, finally stepping on earth after a century, getting to see it without any marring would feel like a weight on your heart.

so many people gone, some which you knew. hidden secrets being revealed. there were other radiation survivors, what you call grounders. supposedly the dropship landed on their territory, and since then it had been living hell, constant attacks and threats being launched at the delinquents' camp. after that, you chose to stop caring, even if it made you a jerk. you couldn't take the process of building a trust, a newfound love between you and somebody else, just to have them drop dead a couple days after, for some dumb reason that could've been avoided. it hurt much than you let on, but you had to do it, for your own good, for your own protection.

even if it meant putting everyone at arm's length, even bellamy, the one you had known for such a short while, but it was immaculate, the way he just entered your ventricles and decided to settle there. but you couldn't let him, it was not right, not in this lifetime, not on this planet. stolen glances and written ramblings in your journal was an exception, though, it was the only way you had been surviving.

and now was one of those exceptions. he stood there, at the gates of camp while giving orders, building more walls for the camp, sensing another attack guessed by clarke based on what lexa had announced. you were staring and you knew it, but you couldn't help the way your stomach dropped deep into the ground until it probably reached dinosaur bones the moment he caught your gaze onto him, silently going through all the possibilites of what could've been between you and him, if only.